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book anxiety February 5, 2011

Posted by therealtinlizzy in Uncategorized.
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Am starting a new habit to try writing shorter posts, particularly with the point of just getting around to writing posts at all. Because if/as I sit around ruminating for the next thing-of-substance (what – you saying that last post didn’t have substance?! Why, I never) to inspire a word salad, well the posts become pretty infrequent. And in Blog-land that’s just silly. But those who know me, particularly from my last life, know that I tend towards missives, and long ones. So while old habits die hard – let’s just try to write about the mundane and the inane shall we? Wait, what? You’re saying that’s already what I do, just in long form? Bastard. Ok fine – then let’s just try for oftener and shorter. Of course the longer nattering ramblies will still happen – a duck can’t not eventually quack, after all.

One thing I can safely comment on is my lack of accomplishment in the reading department these past couple weeks, and I’m failing miserably on my already-humble goals. There’s been too much mental fuckery fragmenting my attention and objective/exterior circumstances disrupting my focus. I wish those souls in my realm with reading attention/focus like steel traps – Stef, @Snipy (yes I know this isn’t the Twitters) and Paraselenic could lend me some of their rapid-fire laser-focused reading ability.

I already feel a constant background anxiety (not to be confused with cosmic background radiation) over my entire life that I won’t ever get to read all of the books there are in the world (not that all of them are worth reading, like YOU Super Sad True Love Story – jerk), or even most of the books in the world, or EVEN most of the really kickass worthwhile books in the world. Worse yet – I won’t get to read even a fraction of all the books I would like to read. And that, my compadres, is anxiety inducing. So when I have a week or two where reading gets shunted to a back corner for whatever the reason – well then I’m really beside myself. Like now. Piles and piles of (mostly virtual) books are just lying there unread! Book words are not flowing with satisfactory rapidity into my brain! This has become a crisis. And it must cease and desist at once.

There’s a show (The Dillinger 4)  at the Triple Rock we’re shortly heading out for tonight – and that’s ok. Tomorrow is the Mpls Loppet skijor race with Dax, then my sig’s mom’s birthday dinner, then spending time with some dear friends (yes I initially mistyped it to be “deer friends” – Dax would LOVE that), and all of that is OK and wanted and awesome. I don’t want to read all the books in the world at the expense of all the truly lovely things and people interspersed throughout my life. But Sunday – everyone/everything else can fuck off – I need some book nomming.

*Blood pressure going down*

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Comments»

1. paraselenic - February 5, 2011

I don’t really believe in anything, but I hope that when I die, I get to go to a library and read everything I want to for all time. I don’t want to die and achieve total awareness-understanding or reconnect-to-the-hive-light crap. I want to go to a library, where there are big comfy chairs and fuzzy blankets and lap cats and good tea and just read whatever I want for all eternity, with breaks for fun games and hugging people I love and cuddling and really good food etc, but reading, what a way to spend eternity….. READ ALL THE BOOKS. yes.

therealtinlizzy - February 7, 2011

ok so back in the day when I still believed in Jesus, God, Heaven and the like – I used to ponder what Heaven/post-death would be like. Because while I was daft in so many naive and special ways, I also didn’t think it likely or scriptural that it was all fluffy clouds, harps or singing praises for eternity. I mean sweet jesus – we’d all murder each other from the sheer boredom, not to mention God would murder us for being such boring simpletons.

So it occurred to me that if I had my druthers, post-death would be no more nor less than being able to spend the rest of time learning everything there is to know, including being able to read anything and everything there is to read. Not to mention getting to sit around and talk about it with other folks. So yeah – my ideal afterlife would be just one big book group with people I like, broken up by hanging out with ppl I like, traveling to all those galaxies I never got around to seeing in person, looking shit up that I want to learn, and reading, reading, reading.

I figure we just snuff out after the end, but I suppose it doesn’t hurt to be wistful wishing I had all of post-mortality at my disposal 🙂

2. paraselenic - February 5, 2011

oh, and not to add to your anxiety, but I have half life in my bag to bring over to reds, so that you can read it.

3. Ginny - February 6, 2011

I have this exact same anxiety. It isn’t helped by the fact that I’m not a particularly speedy reader, either.

therealtinlizzy - February 7, 2011

srsly – I’m the putziest of readers and it drives me crazy. Not that I can’t move my eyes along the words/sentences/page faster, or that my comprehension is dim, just that my brain is wandery or s/thing, and I’m incredibly easily distracted. Maybe I should take Ritalin before reading – perhaps would help my concentration ;).


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