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Pour one out for Gaius October 10, 2011

Posted by therealtinlizzy in Uncategorized.

Due to a quantum of neighbor sentiment, it seems I have to find a new home for Gaius. And I’m surprised to find myself feeling rather emo about it; I’ve become very attached to and fond of that feathered asshat, despite (in fact likely a lot in part BECAUSE of) the fact that he’s a calf-attacking misfit bastard with over-developed senses of both protectivism and his own awesomeness.

But sadly, my sparkling charm and PR efforts on his behalf when talking to my neighbors over the weekend to get the necessary support for a new permit to include him failed to win enough people over.  Or rather, failed to win the right person over. A couple neighbors in particular I was willing to just steamroll by getting the required 80% of signatures needed from everyone else.

However there’s one neighbor in particular – Fred, an older gentleman who lives across the street from me. He’s a clever, funny, stylish guy who specs to be in his late 70’s, chock full of experiences and stories whom I respect and care about immensely. I dropped over to Fred’s house after getting signatures from folks in the first two houses on his side of the block. I figured his signature would be one of the easy ones to obtain; we chat in passing on the street all the time, keep mutually promising  to sit down for some beers and conversation sometime soon, and he signed my permit for the hens last Fall with no problem.  

To my surprise though Fred flat out (but kindly and respectfully) said he won’t/can’t sign the permit; he said he doesn’t want Gaius here because he’s just really really loud (and he is – he’s one loud motherfucker). So I turned on my bleeding-heart charm and explained the back story about the whole crew, why Gaius needs a home, why it’s really hitting a crisis point generally to try and find homes for confiscated/found/abandoned roosters. Fred looked at me with a grin and said “So of course here you come to give the homeless rooster a home” to which I nodded sheepishly thinking – how could he refuse? But even with all that, Fred just asserted kindly but sadly that he can’t. So I told him I respected his opinion and thanked him for his honesty and frankness.

And it was that which has taken the wind out of my sails. I was willing to go to the mat with/against anyone else who wanted to make an issue of it. Hell, as I type I hear the echoing screech of one of the other resident roosters who lives down the alley. But I won’t fight Fred on it. Because even if I could “win” and manage to get the permit anyway, I would lose in terms of my relationship/friendship with him.

So I promptly went back home and cried on Lisa’s shoulder. Yes I cried over the prospect of giving up a damn rooster, a dinosaur. But inexplicably I adore Gaius, asshattery and all. He’s part of my crew, and a magnificent misfit bastard who I’ve grown very fond of, despite all his ridiculousness and the 6 months of beak-marks on my calves. 

I’m an chronic optimist – it never occurred to me that I would manage anything short of sweet-talking any/all/enough of my neighbors into letting him stay. I hoped my rationale that given all the screaming, bratty, destructive kids on the block, along with gun shots, booming loud cars, shouting people and whatever else, that perhaps Gaius’ crowing isn’t the most obnoxious of sounds to put up with. I didn’t get the opp to make that point with Fred, he was so insistent that I didn’t bother.

So yeah. Looks like I need to find Gaius a new home. And maybe I need to let him go with a couple of his ladies, otherwise I expect he’ll be aimless and freaked out. And not because I’m anthropomorphising him, but because that’s just how chicken dynamics work – roosters take care of their flock. He gets miffed just when one of the hens wanders off solo to another corner of the yard or if I lock him in the pen away from the hens.  

But I’ll do what I have to – to find a place for him, and to make peace with the ‘hood. I’m just particularly worried about finding him a new home because he’s such an asshole, not to mention that Chicken Run is already wildly overrun with homeless roosters.

No matter what, there should be a sending off party where we can all pour one out for the mighty, magnificent, handsome, proud bastard Gaius.


1. paraselenic - October 10, 2011

I’m so sorry.

2. Preflash Gordon - October 10, 2011

You have a soft spot for us misfit males. I will always adore you for it.

3. fischeresque - October 10, 2011

I’m so sorry too. So sad and sorry.

4. Mickey - October 12, 2011

Sorry friend, I know how much you love/hate him.

Mickey - October 12, 2011

FYI, I emailed a friend that keeps chickens to see if they want to adopt him. I’ll let you know if I get an affirmative.

Mickey - October 13, 2011

Sorry friend, no can do with the adoption of Gaius. My friend responded that their animals don’t stick around very long before they turn into dinner. I hope this reference doesn’t include the family dog.

5. Stefanie - October 15, 2011

Oh no! Poor Gaius! So very sorry. I hope you are able to find a good home for him.

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